I am still here, and I still want to blog! So here's the deal:
My baby is almost 4 months old now. Having him is the best thing I've ever done. He brings out the best in me for sure. However...having him has also stirred up so many emotions in me. These emotions are so deep and SO hard for me to put into words! My husband is having the same struggle. Basically what has happened is having this baby has forced me to deal with feelings that I have about my OWN mother. I was really not ready to face or sort out this feelings, but becoming a mother has changed me. Forever. My mother and I have always had a VERY DIFFICULT relationship. I never have understood the decisions she made with regards to her children. Now that I am a mother myself, I understand it even less. So I hope this sheds a little bit of light on why its hard for me to blog right now. Please bear with me, I'm really going to try. I know this stuff is very deep and very personal. Not nearly light hearted enough to be in a happy mommy blog. But this is what I'm dealing with right now. My husband is dealing with some of the same stuff, but he is a much stronger person than I am when it comes to emotions. I'm not sure if anyone is even still out there following or reading this blog, but there you have it. I needed to break the ice. I hope now to be able to blog blog blog away!
Showing posts with label failed blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label failed blog. Show all posts
Monday, July 25, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Let's try this again....
Okay I admit it, I am a failed blogger. I could give a long list of excuses, but I won't. Instead I'm going to make an honest to God effort to redeem myself and become a reformed blogger, whatever that is! Okay maybe I should give a short list of probable causes for my lack of blogging, not to make excuses, but to offer some sort of explanation and also catch up anyone who is interested in my life.
Probable cause #1: Beginning in June I worked an INSANE amount of overtime at my job. No exaggeration. I was in need of an intervention. In the month of July I only took 3 days off (and they were not weekend days). Most days I went to work at 10:00am and did not clock out until 1:00am. On the upside, this dedication to my job made me very GOOD at my job and my employer took notice...which leads to:
Probable cause #2: In August, I was promoted to a Supervisor position. This was a big deal for me. I worked very hard for it and was very excited. However, was I prepared for it? Probably not. It was a very stressful job. The call center environment is in itself very stressful, but when you're a supervisor you have to take phone calls from customers who, more often than not, are EXTREMELY upset. They have asked to talk to a supervisor because they did not like the answer the previous rep gave them. So I would then proceed to roll my eyes reiterate what the previous rep had told the customer, that this is in fact the correct information, company policy, etc I'm sorry for the inconvenience, we value you as a customer, blah blah blah. Apologize, apologize. Customer would proceed to curse me and hang up. Okay now I'm rambling and I DO NOT want to ramble. So you get the picture. Lots of stress, but August had yet another surprise for me...
Probable cause #3: On August 27th, I found out that I am PREGNANT. Yes, pregnant. A baby conceived the good old fashioned way. No fertility medications or procedures. A miracle! (My infertility struggle was extensive and will be covered in another blog to come... Stay tuned!) DH and I were shocked to say the least. Shocked and thrilled. So now we've made it to September.
Probable cause #4: Here come the pregnancy symptoms! I will try to keep this as non-graphic as I can. Let's just say from about 6 weeks pregnant moving forward, I threw up almost every day. I've been in and out of the hospital several times since then. The first hospital stay was in Mid-September for a 3 day visit. I want to spare you my complete medical history so I will just tell you I had a pre-existing stomach condition that has made this pregnancy alot harder for me that what it should have been. I am 23 weeks pregnant now and still struggling with these symptoms. I have had to go to the hospital about every 1-2 weeks to get IV fluids. For this reason I had to step down from my supervisor position at work and take medical leave. Which leads to my last point...
Probable cause #5: I have a hard time being transparent. I tend to be a little insecure and so when I start to talk about my personal life, I get anxious about what people will think of me. For example, regarding probable cause #4, my inner dialogue would go something like this: "Wow, I sound like such a wimp. Like the only sick pregnant person who ever lived. People will think I'm a slacker because I'm not working. 'Suck it up' they will say. 'We are not really THAT interested in your life. Why are you complaining? Haven't you wanted a baby your whole life? Haven't you whined and cried for the last 3 years about NOT being able to have a baby? What are you going to do now??' ETC ETC ETC. Sheesh, talk about low self-esteem. I promise I'm better than I used to be and I AM working on it.
The truth is, I don't have all the answers. However, I feel that I have a very blessed life and it will be a terrible shame to keep it to myself any longer. Its not my intention to turn this into a Mommy Blog, though I'm sure many times it WILL be one. I am interested in so many different things and have many stories to tell, few of which are baby related as of yet. So here I go on my journey to be a reformed blogger. Wish me luck!
Probable cause #1: Beginning in June I worked an INSANE amount of overtime at my job. No exaggeration. I was in need of an intervention. In the month of July I only took 3 days off (and they were not weekend days). Most days I went to work at 10:00am and did not clock out until 1:00am. On the upside, this dedication to my job made me very GOOD at my job and my employer took notice...which leads to:
Probable cause #2: In August, I was promoted to a Supervisor position. This was a big deal for me. I worked very hard for it and was very excited. However, was I prepared for it? Probably not. It was a very stressful job. The call center environment is in itself very stressful, but when you're a supervisor you have to take phone calls from customers who, more often than not, are EXTREMELY upset. They have asked to talk to a supervisor because they did not like the answer the previous rep gave them. So I would then proceed to
Probable cause #3: On August 27th, I found out that I am PREGNANT. Yes, pregnant. A baby conceived the good old fashioned way. No fertility medications or procedures. A miracle! (My infertility struggle was extensive and will be covered in another blog to come... Stay tuned!) DH and I were shocked to say the least. Shocked and thrilled. So now we've made it to September.
Probable cause #4: Here come the pregnancy symptoms! I will try to keep this as non-graphic as I can. Let's just say from about 6 weeks pregnant moving forward, I threw up almost every day. I've been in and out of the hospital several times since then. The first hospital stay was in Mid-September for a 3 day visit. I want to spare you my complete medical history so I will just tell you I had a pre-existing stomach condition that has made this pregnancy alot harder for me that what it should have been. I am 23 weeks pregnant now and still struggling with these symptoms. I have had to go to the hospital about every 1-2 weeks to get IV fluids. For this reason I had to step down from my supervisor position at work and take medical leave. Which leads to my last point...
Probable cause #5: I have a hard time being transparent. I tend to be a little insecure and so when I start to talk about my personal life, I get anxious about what people will think of me. For example, regarding probable cause #4, my inner dialogue would go something like this: "Wow, I sound like such a wimp. Like the only sick pregnant person who ever lived. People will think I'm a slacker because I'm not working. 'Suck it up' they will say. 'We are not really THAT interested in your life. Why are you complaining? Haven't you wanted a baby your whole life? Haven't you whined and cried for the last 3 years about NOT being able to have a baby? What are you going to do now??' ETC ETC ETC. Sheesh, talk about low self-esteem. I promise I'm better than I used to be and I AM working on it.
The truth is, I don't have all the answers. However, I feel that I have a very blessed life and it will be a terrible shame to keep it to myself any longer. Its not my intention to turn this into a Mommy Blog, though I'm sure many times it WILL be one. I am interested in so many different things and have many stories to tell, few of which are baby related as of yet. So here I go on my journey to be a reformed blogger. Wish me luck!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
